In My Arms Again
by ColdWarKitten
Summary: "I have done something, Amelia." He hesitated. "Something that no one should ever do." Ivan and Amelia had a steady, loving, and all-around perfect marriage... until the day everything they cared about fell apart. Now it is up to the two of them to pick up the pieces, and hopefully start again. Rated T for highly serious themes and coarse language. Some characters are Nyotalia.
1. Chapter 1

_This is my first story in quite some time, and I have little confidence in the skill of my pen. Any and all constructive criticism is welcome._ _I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia, or any characters associated with it. All characters mentioned belong to Hidekaz Himaruya, unless otherwise stated._ _With that, I bid you welcome, and enjoy._

_-Kitten_

* * *

><p>"Amelia," Ivan set his newspaper aside and took a shaky breath. "I must speak with you."<p>

Amelia put her phone on the breakfast table and stretched. "Sure thing, Vanya, what's up?"

"I have done something, Amelia." He hesitated. "Something that no one should ever do."

She leaned forward in her chair. "This isn't about that time you recorded over The Walking Dead, is it? 'Cause I can always watch it online, and-"

"_Nyet_, Amelia, this is... this is much worse. I..." He looked her in the eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you, _Mishka_, please know this. I only want you to be happy."

Her expression faltered for a moment. "I know that, Vanya. I'm sure whatever happened was just an honest mistake."

"It was a mistake, that much is true." He let out a bitter chuckle. "It is my fault, and... I cannot run from it anymore. I must... I must admit to it before it eats me alive."

"Then, hey, I'm not stopping you, babe. Go right ahead."

"I..." The tension hanging over his head was so strong, he was amazed even his oblivious little sunflower couldn't sense it. He spoke almost at a whisper. "I have been with another woman."

Silence. Amelia felt as if the floor had disappeared beneath her, and she was falling, falling, falling.

"You mean...?" Her voice was soft, trembling slightly.

A single nod was all he could muster.

"When? Who-"

"You remember a month ago, when we were fighting?"

She nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"I was... I wanted to spite you, I was angry and foolish, and there was this woman who... Every day she would try to flirt with me, and every day I reminded her that I was married... but that day I did not. Or the day after, or the day after that. I never thought-" His voice broke. "I never wanted it to go so far, but before I knew what was happening, I had lost control. I am..." He was crying, but he barely noticed it. "I am sorry."

She looked at him for a moment, her wide eyes beginning to fill with tears. Slowly, as though she'd shatter at any moment, she stood and pushed in her chair.

"I need some time to think about this. Alone."

Ivan did not answer. Quickly, stiffly, Amelia went upstairs to their bedroom, shut the door, and screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

_I use the word "unable" too much. In a way, I suppose it symbolizes the situation here pretty well. Unable to change the past, unable to go back to the way things were, unable to breathe, unable to hold back one's emotions, unable to cry anymore, unable to stop the pain, unable, unable, unable._

_Unable to find an adequate replacement for unable. It doesn't even sound like a word anymore._

_-Kitten_

* * *

><p>Her cries echoed through the house for what seemed like hours, every sound like a dagger in Ivan's chest. He sat, not moving except to cover his face in shame and regret, until her tears died down to a silent anguish, and an eerie stillness engulfed their home.<p>

Ivan stood carefully, his own self-hatred and helplessness filling the empty air. He threw his chair across the room in frustration before sinking to his knees, afraid to cry but unable to stop.

He had failed his sunflower. She was the shining light of his world, and he'd cast her aside over a silly fight. He couldn't even remember what they were fighting about. It disgusted him.

He heard footsteps and looked up to see his love make her way downstairs, trailing a suitcase behind her. They stared at one another, desperate for answers, but neither could hold the other's gaze for long.

"I'm going to Maddie's house for a while," she said. "I don't know when I'll be back."

He could only nod.

"And... Ivan?" They faced each other again, this time not daring to turn away. "Do yourself a favor, and find someone to stay with. Don't let yourself suffer alone." With that, she took one last look around her home, and left without so much as a goodbye.

* * *

><p>Madeline Williams preferred to spend her mornings alone with her thoughts and a cup of coffee. This was just as well, since she almost never had any visitors. Not that she complained, of course. It was nice, really, to relax and recharge before a busy day. Such was her life, the picture of bliss.<p>

_Knock knock knock._

Hm. That was unusual.

_Knock-knock-knock-knock!_

Madeline sighed. So much for a peaceful morning.

_Knockknockknockknockknockknockknock!_

"Alright, alright, I'm coming." Reluctantly, she pried herself out of her living room chair and opened the front door to...

"Amelia?" Only it couldn't have been her sister. Amelia didn't cry like this. She didn't cry at all.

"Maddie!" The distressed young woman wrapped her arms around Madeline tight enough to crack ribs, probably. It was definitely her sister.

"_M-Mia-_" Madeline struggled for a moment before the other woman released her. "Amelia, what's wrong?" She noticed the suitcase behind her. "Did something happen with Ivan?"

That was apparently the wrong thing to say. A round of unintelligible sobbing was all she could get out of her poor sister. She placed an awkward hand on the woman's shoulder in an attempt at a comforting gesture.

"It's going to be okay, Mia. Here, sit down, let me help you." She led her to the living room and gently sat her in a nice, comfy chair. "Do you need anything? I can make hot cocoa, if you want."

Amelia nodded, hunched on the chair like a pitiful, injured animal. Maddie draped a blanket over her shoulders and went into the next room to make cocoa.

When she came back, her sister was facedown on the floor, huddled into a pathetic lump under the blanket. Madeline shook her head and knelt beside the bundle of fabric and grief.

"Mia?" She tried her best to sound comforting. "What's going on?"

Amelia whimpered something Maddie couldn't make out.

"Uh... What?"

Amelia lifted the blanket and looked her sister square in the face. "H-h-h-h-he... I-Ivan... M-Maddie, h-he-"

"Amelia, breathe. It's going to be okay."

She nodded and took a series of uneven breaths before continuing. "H-he ch-cheated on me!" She fell into her sisters arms, dissolving once again into hysterics.

Madeline's confusion turned to shock, her shock gave way to rage, and her rage melted into pity. Everyone said that Madeline Williams always knew what to say to a hurt person. At least, when they remembered she existed. But really, Maddie was as lost as anyone else. She just listened, and people solved their problems on their own. Right now, however, Amelia needed her.

So Maddie sang. She sang and hummed and held her sister tight until the tears subsided, and both of them were asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_I've decided I like "Mia" better than "Amy". Hope it wasn't too late to change it (which I did for the previous chapter). I also changed my page breaks on AO3 from the solid line to a simple dash, since some mobile viewers (including myself) can't see the solid line. Also, this chapter is like, really depressing. Sorry. I promise things will pick up soon. _

_-Kitten_

* * *

><p>It had been weeks since Amelia had seen daylight. At least, she was pretty sure it had. She couldn't tell anymore, between drunken tears, destructive video games, and too much ice cream for any mortal soul. Her room in Madeline's house was dark and gloomy, with only the light of the television to guide her steps. Not that she left her bed much. Her phone had rung and buzzed and beeped until she had thrown it across the room, and Maddie had taken it from her.<p>

She blasted her music louder and louder, but every song whisked her back in time, and she felt the pain all over again. Eventually, even the TV couldn't distract her, and she nearly threw that across the room, too. Mostly, though, she cried, she yelled, and she slept.

In the quiet hours of the night, when her sister was asleep and Amelia was truly alone, she allowed herself to dwell on her bitter situation. It hurt, more than she had ever hurt before. What had she done wrong? They'd had fights before. Heck, they'd nearly killed each other! Why was this different? What made him do something so terrible? Didn't he still love her? If she hadn't been so petty, maybe she could've changed something, done something different, and none of this would have happened.

She was lost, so very lost. But she would never admit to it in daylight.

* * *

><p>He had loved before.<p>

Never like this, of course. But he had loved.

How many times had he admired from afar, silently, afraid to approach? Not enough. He was naïve, back then. He had not endured mistake after mistake, heartbreak after heartbreak. He learned the hard way. He knew, after a while, the price he would pay for trying.

Still, there had been one person who challenged him. Only one person in all the world didn't seem to be afraid of him, and she had given him hope. Slowly, she had teased and bantered and argued her way through his defenses. He didn't have to pretend for her. People called her imperceptive, but she saw something in him that no one else did. For a while, he had forgotten his tendency to fail.

For a while, he thought he could be happy.

Instead, it had ended like it always ended. He screwed up, hurt someone he loved, and now he was alone and very, very drunk. Always the same.

But that wasn't true. There was something different this time.

This time, he knew he could never get over her.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry this took so long, I have exams this week. But the good news is, this chapter is a heck of a lot happier. Like, wayyyy lighter than that deep stuff ya'll just had to drag yourself though. It's also fairly heavy on the cursing, so just a heads-up. As always, constructive criticism welcome, especially for this one. Enjoy!_

* * *

><p>Katya hadn't seen nor heard from her brother in some time. It had only been a few weeks, but it seemed like<em>forever<em>. Lately, of course, she was trying to be more independent, but it felt wrong not to hear from him every so often, even if it was just business. The situation with Amelia had the poor man in shambles, and it was all Katya could do not to worry and fret _constantly_.

She weighed her options. She could always call him, but...

After some consideration, she compromised.

"Sister?"

"Katya, if this is about him, I do not want to hear it."

"I am sorry, Tasha, I just worry so much!"

"We are all worried. And do not call me 'Tasha'."

Katya paced her small kitchen.

"Should we not do something? I cannot bear seeing him this way."

She heard an exasperated sigh on the other end.

"There is nothing we _can_ do, sister. This is a wound that must heal on its own. We can only offer our support, as his family."

Katya stopped pacing and snapped her fingers.

"His family! Oh, Natalya, that is it!"

"Ohhhh no. Whatever you are planning, stop."

"Tasha, will you call Toris, and Feliks, and a few others for me? I have a plan I want you to tell them about!"

"I am not speaking to Toris, and I will not be part of this scheme, whatever it is."

"Fine, I will contact everyone myself. Just be at Ivan's home tomorrow afternoon, pleeease?"

"...No promises."

_Click_.

Katya smiled. She would take that as a yes.

* * *

><p>"But, like, why do <em>I<em> have to be here? He doesn't even like me!"

Gilbert had to agree with Feliks. He didn't understand why Katya wanted _him_ here, of all people, to console the one person he hated the most. Well, he probably hated him most. He didn't exactly keep a ranking. Waste of time, just like this horseshit.

Katya had called up just about everyone Braginsky had ever had any history with, which pretty much meant every person on the fucking planet, insisting that "we're his family" and "he needs us!". _Whatever_.

In the end, only Toris, Raivis, Feliks, Natalya, and himself had even showed up. Ivan, meanwhile, was moping about, his sisters cooing and crying over him like he was some sort of injured animal. Toris and Raivis, the poor guys, made an akward attempt at comfort here and there, and Feliks looked like he wasn't even sure where he was, and didn't particularly care. Gilbert almost envied his oblivious attitude. Almost.

He was just so fucking _sick_ of this "poor Ivan" nonsense. "Poor Ivan", his ass. As if the guy hadn't done anything wrong.

Even if Gilbert hadn't hated Ivan's guts, this agonizing sob-fest wasn't getting anybody anywhere. Every justification of Ivan's behavior grated on Gil like nails on a chalkboard. They acted as if Amelia was the one to blame! Braginsky had gotten himself into this mess, and he should've been doing something to get out of it, not slumming around like an asshole.

"Oh, Ivan, it's alright. Everything will work out, little brother, you will see."

Ivan sniffled. Even with their differences, it hurt Gilbert to see him so... pathetic.

"It- It is all my fault! I am a t-t-terrible person!" Fucking hell. It was all Gil could do not to...

"Shh, Vanya, it was not your fault. You-"

_Snap_.

"Not his fault!?" Gilbert stood up so fast, he nearly knocked over his chair. "Did Amelia cheat on _him_? Did the other woman _force_ him to do this? It's his fucking fault, Katya!"

"Gilbert-"

"No, you fucking listen to me, Braginsky!" Ivan looked torn between rage, shock, and offense. "You fucked up. You hurt someone you cared about. And guess what? It's your own damn fault! But what the hell are you doing about it? The love of your life is out there right now, devastated, and you're sitting around doing jack shit. If you love her so much, why aren't you out there fixing this mess? Take responsibility for your mistakes like a fucking adult!"

Ivan decided on offense. Maybe a little rage, too. "I took responsibility, and look where I am!"

"No, you fucking didn't! From what I'm hearing, you made a bunch of lame excuses, and now you're drowing yourself in vodka and self-pity. Put down the bottle, get your sorry ass out there, and _fix this_!"

There was a stunned silence as everyone took in his outburst. Gilbert grabbed his coat and stormed out of Braginsky's house.

_Fuck those guys_.

* * *

><p><em>Ding-dong...<em>

Ivan fidgeted. He had the feeling he should have brought flowers or something. Was there a flower that represented apology? He imagined himself talking to a shop owner. _Da, I would like an arrangement that says, "Sorry for ruining our lives. Second chance?"_ He was beginning to think this was a bad idea.

Just as he was about to leave, the door appeared to open by itself. Wait, no, that was just his sister-in-law.

"Get out of here."

"But I-"

Madeline was already closing the door. Ivan held it open, but the woman was much stronger than she looked. She was Amelia's sister, after all.

"Please, I must speak with her!"

"If you think I'm going to let you in here after what you did...!" She then proceeded to utter a string of words Ivan did not want translated. He suddenly understood the expression, _"Pardon my French"_.

A voice sounded from behind her, interrupting the obscenities.

"Maddie? Who's that?"

"Nobody!" Madeline grabbed the nearest object- an umbrella printed with the Canadian flag across its segments- and opened it in a desperate attempt to hide Ivan's bulk.

The scene was almost comical. Ivan struggled with his sister-in-law for a few moments before pulling the umbrella from her grasp and tossing it behind him. He took advantage of her stunned pause and pushed past her, suddenly face-to-face with his wife and his guilt.

He had expected a mess, but it still shocked him to see her. She looked as if she hadn't changed out of her pajamas in weeks, let alone showered. Her head and shoulders were draped in a huge comforter blanket, and he could see a few golden blonde tangles peeking out from under it. Dark circles and salt residue rimmed her eyes. He vaguely registered a quiet _"My umbrella..."_ behind him, but his heart was focused elsewhere.

"...Ivan?" Her voice was small and hoarse.

"Amelia, I..." No words seemed right for what he was about to say. Still, he pressed on.

"Amelia, I came to apologize. A real apology this time, without excuses. It was my fault. I-" His voice broke. "I hurt you terribly, _Mishka_. I _never_ want to hurt you again. Please." He took her hands in his, and the blanket fell from her shoulders. "Let me become someone you can be proud of. I will never deserve you, but I want to be someone you can trust again."

She didn't cry. She had already cried enough.

"I want that, too."

Before he could respond, her arms were around him and the world melted away. He returned the embrace, cautious but sincere.

"Damn, I need a shower." She laughed, and he found it hard not to join her.

He'd thought he would never hear her laugh again.


End file.
